“That is just not normal, no way is that possible.”
Looking back, I was so lucky in the fact that I came from a loving home, I was the youngest an the only daughter, I had a wonderful and strong relationship with my parents.
Music played a huge part in my childhood, my parents loved the 60s, my brother loved his 80s and me, the 90s. There wasn’t a day that didn’t go by where there wasn’t music playing in our home.
I guess you could say music was my life, until I met him.
Sitting in the flat one day with the tunes on, I remember singing along to a few songs when he told me, you must have been locked in your bedroom and made to listen to those songs. He said this because, it wasn’t normal for someone of my age to know so many different songs.
He always made me feel so inferior about myself and how everything I once knew, no longer mattered. He had this ability to make me question everything I once knew, as if my childhood was more sinister and shameful, but not his behaviour.
Music had always played a huge part in my life before this relationship. I would get changed to my favourite tune before going out and when getting back from work I would relax to some tunes.
Domestic abuse took that away from me.
I stopped going out because it was easier to stay at home and I lost my job – after he locked me in the flat – so I lost my love for music.
I soon learned what type of mood he was in, depending on what songs he listened to. Certain songs that were played meant we were in for a long night where he would tell me how awful his ex was. It was as though his music was an indicator of what was coming next.
Music kept his memories alive as I slowly lost mine.
Grandad recorded me singing this today🥰
Posted by Tegan Rose Billingham on Wednesday, 27 November 2019